Sometimes "No' means "Not yet"

Our Wedding day. July 7/2012

A love story that didn’t follow the script—and that’s what made it real.

Growing up, I had very specific ideas about what falling in love would look like. I think most girls do—whether those ideas come from books, movies, or the couples we see around us. In my case, it was also shaped by a conservative upbringing that quietly planted the belief that if you weren’t married by 23 and having your first child by 25, something was wrong with you.

I know now how untrue that is—but at the time, it shaped how I saw relationships. Every guy I met felt like a possible “the one,” because I believed love was something I needed to find early and quickly.

Apparently, I met Jeff in 2003 on a visit to Canada. I don’t remember him at all from that first meeting—but if you ask him, he’ll say that’s the day he “fell in love,” or whatever counts as love for a preteen.

When we moved to Canada in 2008, Jeff’s family and mine grew close. Every Sunday night after church, his family would come over, and we’d spend hours just sitting and talking. I’m pretty sure those conversations are the reason I barely have an accent anymore.

We even graduated High School together

Once I started university, Jeff and I talked more and more—online and in person. And somewhere along the way, he became my best friend. The person I could talk to about anything.

By 2010, it was clear Jeff felt more than friendship. But I wasn’t ready. After a painful relationship just before our move, I’d promised myself I wouldn’t date just to date. I only wanted to pursue something if I could truly see it leading to marriage—and at 20, I wasn’t ready for that.

That summer, Jeff asked me out three times. Each time, I said no. Or rather… “not yet.” The third time, he gave me an ultimatum—he couldn’t keep hoping if it wasn’t going to go anywhere. And I respected that. But it still hurt.

We didn’t talk for half a year. I grieved—not just the possibility of “us,” but the loss of a best friend. And I understood why he couldn’t stay in limbo.

Then, during a nursing practicum, I experienced my first patient death. It was expected—but still deeply emotional. In that moment, I needed someone who understood me. So I texted Jeff.

What followed was a slow return to friendship. And then one day, Jeff told me he couldn’t do this again—not just friendship when he still had deeper feelings.

My response surprised even me:

“What if I’m ready for more?”

Looking back, the Hercules song “I Won’t Say I’m in Love” basically captured my heart in that season. I prayed a lot. And all the little barriers that had once felt so big… slowly started to melt away.

We began dating in July 2011. On October 15 of that same year, he asked me to marry him—and I said yes without hesitation.

Eight months later, on July 7, 2012, we were married in our home church, surrounded by so many loved ones.

Looking back, I now understand more than ever why sometimes "no" means "not yet". Even more so when it comes to my prayer life. Just because it feels like a "no" right now, doesn't mean that God isn't actually quietly saying "not yet".